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Disinheriting Inter-married Grandchildren? What do you think?

By Rabbi Marc D. Angel

During the fall of 2009, the Illinois State Supreme Court ruled on the following case: Jewish grandparents wrote a last will and testament in which they specified that their entire estate was to be given only to those grandchildren who were married to a Jewish spouse.  Grandchildren who married out of the faith were disinherited.

This couple had five grandchildren, four of whom had married non-Jewish (and non-converted) spouses. The one grandchild who had married a Jewish spouse inherited the grandparents' total estate.  The four other grandchildren contested the will, arguing that the grandparents had no right to force their religious views on them and no right to cut them out of their will.

The Illinois Supreme Court upheld the will, in favor of the one grandchild. It ruled that grandparents have the right to dispense of their property as they wish.

I discussed this case with several people, and received different reactions. One view was that the Supreme Court of Illilnois was entirely correct, and that the grandparents had acted correctly. They wanted their resources to go to their descendants who would be maintaining Jewish tradition. Why should they leave their hard-earned estate to grandchildren who were not likely to carry on the Jewish traditions? 

Another answer was: the grandparents were wrong and acting vindictively. By disinheriting the grandchildren of intermarried children, they were cutting off any realistic possibility of these grandchildren returning to Judaism. Bitterness would mar their memories of the grandparents.

Yet another response was that the grandparents had the right to distribute their property as they wished, and had the right to leave everything to the one grandchild who was married to a Jewish spouse. Yet, by taking the estate, this grandchild would thereby create an unbridgeable barrier between him and the other grandchildren. The family would be torn apart by ill will, jealousy, anger.  The solution: let the one grandchild inherit the estate, but then make generous gifts to the other grandchildren as a gesture of family friendship and solidarity. Perhaps in this way, there would be a chance that at some point in the future the grandchildren might intensify their Jewish commitment and their spouses might convert to Judaism. 

American Jews increasingly face the question: how will we ensure Jewish continuity--not just physical continuity but spiritual continuity, where Judaism is alive and flourishing? When children and grandchildren veer from Judaism, how should we react? Shall we disinherit them? Shall we accept their decisions without rancor?  

What do you think?

Aaron_Uris's picture

Coercion is no solution to return to Judaism

Submitted by Aaron_Uris on December 30, 2009 - 3:57am.

This can easily extend into a long discussion but the principle that grandparents have the right to dispense their property as they wish remains key. However, when the main premise of the grandparents' action is to ensure Jewish continuity, marriage within the faith is a necessary but not sufficient prerequisite for spiritual continuity. Coercive actions are likely to produce physical compliance and lip service (e.g. go through a Reform conversion in a few months).

One way, perhaps, is to for the grandparents to set up a trust for the wealth intended for the grandchildren, which will provide for a decent monthly/quarterly/annual stipend but also will allow larger disbursements over time provided some benchmarks the inheritors will achieve in Jewish literacy and deeds in a modern Orthodox perspective (as well as going through a successful halakhic conversion for the spouse, where necessary). Obviously this suggestion is only a general one (among others) and its process and benchmark details need to be discussed and expanded substantially as to how and by whom.

DeborahFineblumRaub's picture

Interfaith Marriage: A Dead End?

Submitted by DeborahFineblumRaub on December 31, 2009 - 4:03pm.
This case pushes all our buttons since it demands by force of cold cash that the grandparents' religion is adopted by their descendents. Ouch. It takes no psychology graduate degree to figure out it just doesn't work, folks. If enough money could buy compliance, Bernie would be playing golf back in Palm Beach right now. Yet one is forced to agree that it's the grandparents' legal right to determine to whom their money goes. But, Bubbe and Zaidy, why not do what a former colleagues' parents did when he married out 10 years ago? Their wedding gift to the young couple: A two-week all-expenses paid honeymoon in Israel. Seen the intermarriage stats lately? How does 47 percent sound, with half of the college kids of Jewish dads identifying as Jews as those kids who have Jewish moms. And I gotta be honest, neither of these figures is exactly high. In the face of this magnitude, maybe it's time for traditional Jews to stop the monkey act (see-no-intermarriage, hear-no-intermarriage, speak-no-intermarriage), and DO something. And, no, we can't just let the Reform try and tidy up this unpleasant little mess. Sure, you can argue that half these kids aren't even Jewish (actually it's more than half, but why quibble?), that Halakhah defines the children of intermarried Jewish fathers as little more than smarter-than-average goyim. But don't these kids even deserve an invitation to the dance? Have you ever considered that, by dint of the half of their forebears who lived and died as Jews, these kids just might have a family or a soul or even a cellular level connection to the Jewish people? It's a connection that could, under committed ("We have something wonderful you just might like and we're here to help you any way we can") and sensitive ("She's your mom - of course you love her!") cultivation and inspiration, blossom into a deeply lived Jewish life. By the way, if you don't believe souls from outside our people can gravitate to the deepest expression of a Torah life, I have a rather holy rabbi friend I'd like you to meet. Looking forward to exploring the possibilities ... Deborah Fineblum Raub Sharon, MA PS: About that young couple who saw Israel on Mom and Dad's dime 10 years ago? Their two adorable, bright little blond kids are the star pupils in their Hebrew school and the family a backbone of their shul. Hey, Mom and Dad, they -- and we -- send our thanks.
oklana's picture

Disinheriting Inter-married

Submitted by oklana on January 5, 2010 - 3:48am.
In this, those grandchildren gave more importance to their selves not to the thing their family were saying against. But, thats their decision, i advice to make their spouses be converted to Jewish soon. Worth getting cash advance to make it real.
TarryG's picture

All your decissions must be founded on love.

Submitted by TarryG on March 5, 2010 - 10:06am.
I think that everyone should understand situation in their family. Nobody can give you an advice then you are. You know more then we and every little point is important. All your decissions must be founded on love. It's the main foundation of your relations. Maybe oklana is right - it worth getting cash advance loan to make it real.
sam song's picture

"Myth of the Shiksa"

Submitted by sam song on March 8, 2010 - 4:53pm.
Friedman wrote an article with the tiitle of The Mythof the Shiksa to highlight that very often the high level of reactivity has nothink to do with religion and has more to do with family dynamics.