Angel for Shabbat, Parashat Toledot
by Rabbi Marc D. Angel
In Biblical Hebrew, the pronoun “I” is expressed in two ways: anokhi and ani. Classical commentaries have explained that anokhi has more emotional weight to it. Ani is simpler, more direct.
Depending on circumstances, Jacob uses both forms, anokhi and ani. But Esau only used anokhi once, when he was famished and traded his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. Whereas Jacob was more an anokhi person, Esau was definitely an ani person. Jacob often used anokhi, a word that implies self-reflection, complexity, gravitas. Esau preferred ani, a word that implies egocentricity, simplicity, superficiality.
When Jacob pretended to be Esau in order to win Isaac’s blessing, Jacob identified himself anokhi Esav bekhorekha. When Esau identified himself to Isaac, he said ani binkha bekhorkha. Jacob used anokhi reflecting seriousness and inner conflict. Isaac was surprised by this, since Esau only spoke to him as ani, a straightforward expression of selfhood.
An anokhi person has self-respect but is not self-absorbed. He/she is generally thoughtful, considerate of the feelings of others, interested in society. An ani person is mostly concerned with self, having little consideration for others.
The late Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the Lubavicher Rebbe, once received a letter from someone who wished to see him urgently. The letter went something like this: “Honorable Rebbe: I must see you soon. I am having many difficulties. I am confused. I am struggling with my business. I have problems with my children. I really need to see you.” The Rebbe responded to this letter without writing one word! He returned the letter after circling the first word in each sentence: I. The person’s problem was his “I”, his self-absorption. An egotistical person is so focused on self as to be unable to relate properly to others. This ani personality undermines healthy relationships with others and leads to various problems.
The Talmudic sage Hillel taught: “If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for myself alone, what am I? …” (Pirkei Avot 1:14). Hillel understood that one must have self-respect and confidence. But he also understood that those “who are for themselves alone” have a personality disorder. Life is deficient if it is so self-absorbed as to undermine positive relationships with others.
For those seeking a good, happy and righteous life, the “I”’s don’t have it.